This forum contains some adult humour. You have been warned!
by christella 22 Dec 2016, 16:57
Nearly had sex with a ladyboy last night.
Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman.
Danced like a woman.
Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he
reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!
That's when I thought - Hang on just a minute!
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I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm, bless him.
I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said, "That's gonna be a bit awkward, init?"
"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."

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I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next crap could spell disaster.
________________________________


Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?
"No, just here for a few days."
________________________________


As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's
funeral, a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and
mutters, "Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."
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I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
Or "foreplay", as she likes to call it.
________________________________


After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus
were going to commit suicide together yesterday.
Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel
a lot better.
So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.
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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.
Then I remembered - the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30.
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"Jesus Loves You."
Nice to hear in church - but not in a Mexican prison.
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I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a man sneaking through next door's garden.
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.
He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.
Astonished, I got back into bed.
My wife said "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."
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A man is seeking to join the New York Police force. The Sergeant doing the interview says:
"Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude
suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says:
"Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six
drug dealers, six extremists, and a rabbit"
The man being interviewed asks, "Why the rabbit?"
"Excellent" says the Sergeant. "When can you start?
__________________
bowls is like sex you can be no good at it but really enjoy yourself
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bowling is like sex you dont have to be any good at it but you really enjoy it
by durham rader 23 Dec 2016, 06:51
:lol:

RAchel /DERrick. To far North to be English and to far South to be Scottish.

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